Rismeldi Batista
English 110 / February 8, 2023
FIRST DRAFT

I no longer believe in not speaking out. I no longer believe in holding in your “trauma”. Because “INTROVERTED” has become normalized we forget how not normal it is. We are made to connect with each other and like peanut butter and jelly, how and when will we not need someone to be there? To listen? to tell us that because that boyfriend left its okay, that arguing with your mom is part of life? I no longer believe in having to be the “strong” one in the family. Not being able to grief my grandfather’s death because i have to be calm and collect after my mom has passed out and my sister is crying. I break down and my knees hug the floor while my tears parade down my cheeks longer than the nile river. I no longer believe in santa, because in my perfect story, this isn’t the gift i was expecting, life isn’t all candy. I no longer believe in the tooth fairy because when i go to the dentist all i receive is pain and not money under my pillow. Rather my mom is sitting with me in the car dozing off about getting ice cream after my wisdom tooth’s been extracted from my mouth like a pacifier from a baby.

I stopped believing many things, but one of the last things i think ill never do is stop believing in myself. I am worth so much and everytime i have a setback i try my hardest to jump back. I no longer believe in weather forecasts, as it said it was going to rain heavy, and when i went outside it was light drizzle. I guess life can be that unpredictable sometimes. I no longer believe in youtube families as after finding out this family had been posing in front of a camera for so long and the husband had been (alledgedly) cheating on the wife. Although i guess we aren’t inspector gadget even though we are just fans. I no longer believe, and i refuse to believe there isn’t more this country can do for it’s homeless citizens. Because there’s so many resources, so many upper class people that the statistics of homelessness should be more and more. There’s more programs facilitated in better, more near locations where it is becoming such a problem. I no longer believe and am skeptical of store “sales” wrapping your eyes up when they say buy one get one free, then turns out youre paying full price of the “free” one when on any regular given day doesn’t cost as much. It goes to show, how humans will take advantage of each other especially when they could benefit, i mean when our brain sees all those 50% off and green sale tags, how aren’t we influenced to buy? Sometimes without even paying attention and taking it just because it’s “pretty”. I don’t and never have believed in “aliens” im sorry, to me its just absurd like cmon how many times haven’t they presented “UFO’s sightings” on the news, then hours later found out to be a comet, NASA or something completely normal. Most of these things i grew up believing, being told and believed them just because. I don’t believe that if you’re homeless and actually want to get out of your situation, you can’t not make it out. Because although you look a certain way there’s so many possibilities with thousands of people you meet if you actually put your mind to it and make yourself a priority. I do not believe in superstitions, i don’t believe in them! Because my family has always been religious and bad negative thinking/spirits can bring bad things into your life. I don’t believe in not being able to be happy and better yourself. We must blossom like the great flowers we are! I don’t believe in anxiety, just do what you like and take better care of your self. I dont believe in someone not being able to change, the sun can shine for us all. I don’t believe in not believing in our parents who’ve done so much to help us shape us as a person. I stopped matter of fact, never believed in ghosts… BOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” at the end of the day you’ll feel something for them and there’ll be a time where you’ll need them in a sense where they won’t correspond you. It just doesn’t seem like something that is possible. I don’t believe that teachers are payed enough, why? I mean can you imagine grading all those papers ? creating the future leaders of our world? I don’t believe in that dogs and cats don’t actually understand us when we speak to them and they are able to comprehend love. One of the biggest lies i’ve believed is that it was always seen as bad or “lazy” to take time for your self care or for example “drop out” of college. (like i have a hispanic friend who’s parent’s were really conservative and she convinced them that college wasn’t for her and now she’s an esthetician who’s happy with what she does. Sometimes everyone has a different path and story and i didn’t debunk this until i burned myself out to the point i couldnt go to school for at least a week and was slowly caving into my depression and anxiety. Many of these beliefs was because i used to be really naive and never questioned anything my parents told me. Because for my perspective, ive never been a person to explore anything like on my own, im shy, quiet and believe that the good must always be done. For instance like going to school which is really ijportant to me but now ive realized that life isn’t only college. It’s getting to understand so many things and overall stop believing in many things, depending what they are. I don’t believe in me not being able to grow as a person and pushing my self to be the best that i can.